Home Alone

Katie is on a tropical adventure this weekend.

Q is asleep.

Me: Not quite tired enough to sleep, finding my few favorite websites uninteresting, nothing good on the telly...what to do?

I know, I know, I should and could knit, but I usually like to accompany that with some good viewing.

So, how do you cure those low moments? Any great new web finds that I must investigate?





I suppose I could just enjoy some peace and quiet a la this early morning lakeside mist....

Bounty

I'm thankful to have emerged from the flurry of the heart of the holidays with a feeling of bounty. Yes, I was overwhelmed and tired at times. Yes, too much driving was involved, but our time was bountiful. There was a bounty of family to enjoy -- it was wonderful to watch Q to see how his relationships with different family members have evolved over time.

There was a bounty of generosity -- giving, receiving, etc. Throughout, Q was gracious and not greedy, which I consider true success for many reasons.

There was even a bounty of fun Q activity -- most notably, cleaning with his partner dirt tiger, Grandma Kathy and daily "middle of the night" (aka early morning) walks with Grandpa Iv. He looked forward to both of those activities like nobody's business. In fact, upon reminding him last night that he should sleep until the late morning, he noted that he would of course, because he only woke up early in Maryland because "I'm just so tempted by Grandpa Iv to go on a walk with him." Early rising, but what could be better, right?

On the material front, among other things there were some yarn acquisitions and a Royal ball winder, which will make life MUCH easier. Pics to come in my next post.

I leave you with wishes of bounty, peace, and thankfulness...

Tea!

Today, amidst the hectic storm that is our family's Tuesdays, arrived some tea. Lovely tea. In lovely containers. Wrapped as well.

A peaceful wonder and delight in the day.....

By the way, Mere and I are hatching plans for a December blog project.

It's snowing!

I'm thrilled! I love snow, particularly the first snow. I love the feeling of peace and quiet that it brings. I could stare out the window at the flakes for hours.

This snow, it's a light one. It won't stick because it's too warm. But it doesn't matter, because it's given me a nice extra dose of peace for the day.

More tired than eloquent

Much to write about, including an amazing, inspiring, and frightening talk by Susan Linn about commercialism and children. Truly frightening. It made me thankful for so many things about our life with Q, and helped me see how truly simple in the best of ways it is. Most of the time.

Many thoughts about this all swirl around in my head, in addition to excitement about teaching what felt like another great section and more urgent movement on my dissertation.

Oh, and I took a survey (link to come) that told me that Obama is the candidate who most fits my desires. Interesting....must think more on that.

So, more to come on this swirl, but now it is time for rest, sweet rest.

Silence

I love the feeling of leading a class/discussion section effectively. To me, it usually looks something like this.

Groups of people huddled together. Intense conversations going on. Nodding. Probing questions. A bit of wild gesticulating. Small bits of laughter here and there. And then there's me, being silent. I walk around, listen in, make the occasional suggestion, but the learning and teaching belong to them. I set up the structure and they take off within it.

That, to me, feels like a good day of teaching. And it's what happened today in my section. That, and at 5pm, the end of section, not a person budged from their conversations. That, my friends, is a very good sign.

A long-lost FO, new yarn, bliss

'Twas a blissful weekend with my parents around and Q being thrilled at each and every thing they did together.

Cleaning being TOP on that list. He and grandma are nicknamed the "Dirt Tigers." Could you ask for anything more?



Last week I scored some new, wonderful yarn at a LYS that's going out of business. I'd only shopped there once prior, but being there, I became wistful that I hadn't known them better during their in-business time, as it was a nice space and super-friendly owner (who even looked up a pattern for me so I could find the right yarn!).

On the bright side, though, I added some great yarns to my stash. Especially inspirational sock yarns for my yet-to-begin sock-knitting habit. Please comment with any "getting over the fear of knitting socks ideas!"

For your viewing pleasure:


Lovely, lovely, lovely yarn, and so squishy!
Panda Cotton: Of this yarn I've heard much ado...I love that it includes bamboo (that did NOT rhyme intentionally!)
Amazingly soft cashmerino for the aforementioned pattern.
And who can resist sock yarn that includes soy? So silky!

Take a pause....

I'm actually here writing because I realized I needed a pause from the mad socializing of the day. It's been fabulous. My father arrived this morning, followed shortly by my grandfather. In spite of a harrowing drive, we had a very successful (read, fleece-filled) trip to LL Bean (aka LOB, as Q says). But after tons of chatting, my mouth and mind need a rest. So here I am, taking a moment for some relative peace.

I'll now insert some peaceful pictures. And breathe.

Giving up, letting go

Today was a hard day in the realm of my research. I've been grappling lately with how to find a balance between what I need to do for my dissertation given that it's part of a group project and a research project's project, if that makes sense. Then, I want to be able to balance those demands and requirements with my own passions, beliefs, interests, etc.

I study teachers' professional learning during years 4-10 of the career. Most folks have VERY poor learning opportunities then, as some of you probably know. Others have none. Others, however, are lucky and find themselves in the company of folks from whom they can learn or in environments rich with learning possibilities. What I hold nearest and dearest is the belief that good professional learning for teaching can help shift their beliefs about their students' capabilities and potential. Particular teachers of kids in urban areas where I think deficit mentalities about students gets in the way of good teaching and learning way too often.

So today I had to grapple with the fact that, for my research right now, I can't come right out and ask teachers if their beliefs about their students have changed. There are a myriad reasons why, but the bottom line is that it just won't work. It would be awkward. Leading. These and other reasons I understand intellectually. And I understand how we can get at this issue in a more nuanced, ground-up way. But all of that involved a painful process of letting go. I found myself crying today as I tried to explain what I was most passionate about learning to my colleagues and then working to reconcile that with what actually WORKS in the world of research for this particular project. There's loss involved in research. In fact that's been my mantra when I talk about data analysis. I just think that, until today, I didn't feel that loss so deeply and keenly. Right in my core.

So it was a hard one. But a good one, and I'm feeling good now about moving forward, knowing I've been heard and my interests and questions will be incorporated, and that doing it in a non-explicit fashion is the right thing to do. It's hard, but I know it's right.

But still there was sadness, in spite of knowing it was right.

I think this is somehow related to the whole not being a hero thing. Not doing it all, getting it all, learning it all. And not RIGHT NOW. That's how I like things -- RIGHT NOW. But I'm learning patience, grace, what have you.

It's okay not to be the hero sometimes....

This, my friends, is a VERY hard concept for me. I like to have it all together, to handle everything, to make it look easy. And most of the time I can and I enjoy it. I like making things go smoothly and it makes me feel good.

But sometimes it is completely dang hard. Like tonight.

So, for me Mondays and Tuesdays are REALLY hectic. Monday I plan teaching with my professor. It's draining. I also have Q alone all afternoon, make dinner alone, and then ready him for bed alone. This doesn't sound huge, but after a long day, when we're used to usually doing this as a family, AND he's ready for some Mamma/Katie time, it's hard.

Then Katie leaves really early on Tuesday. Then I keep planning and prepping for teaching on Tuesday. Then I get Q early and take him to daycare since we're both busy late on Tuesday afternoons. Then I go teach for four hours. And then rush back to get Q since he stays "late" at daycare and I don't want to overstep that favor.

Return home after all of this to cook him dinner and us dinner when really my brain wants a moment of peace and QUIET. So, I found myself nearly crying thinking about cooking dinner tonight. And it's not like it was a hard meal. It was all planned. We had all the ingredients. But I couldn't think about chopping, dirtying more dishes after I'd just cleaned the morning dishes. Ugh.

And yet there, in the back of my head, was this nagging thought that if I gave up I'd be a quitter to Katie, as opposed to a hero. Now there's a horrible choice: quitter or hero. Of course I'd choose hero any day. But I knew I couldn't. And since I didn't want to feel like a total loser, I had to call the beloved M to, get this, get PERMISSION not to cook dinner. Crazy, I know. But it helped. Big time.

So I wasn't the hero tonight, and I think from now on I'll plan on not being a hero on Tuesday nights. Which is hard for me. I'm really working on trying to find more balance in these tricky dichotomies, so it's not be a hero or a quitter/loser but rather be a hero or not, but still be great, at peace, and content with my life. This is hard. Very hard for me. And I need all the help I can get. And all the reminders I can get.

So feel free to give me a nudge back to earth any time....