This, my friends, is a VERY hard concept for me. I like to have it all together, to handle everything, to make it look easy. And most of the time I can and I enjoy it. I like making things go smoothly and it makes me feel good.
But sometimes it is completely dang hard. Like tonight.
So, for me Mondays and Tuesdays are REALLY hectic. Monday I plan teaching with my professor. It's draining. I also have Q alone all afternoon, make dinner alone, and then ready him for bed alone. This doesn't sound huge, but after a long day, when we're used to usually doing this as a family, AND he's ready for some Mamma/Katie time, it's hard.
Then Katie leaves really early on Tuesday. Then I keep planning and prepping for teaching on Tuesday. Then I get Q early and take him to daycare since we're both busy late on Tuesday afternoons. Then I go teach for four hours. And then rush back to get Q since he stays "late" at daycare and I don't want to overstep that favor.
Return home after all of this to cook him dinner and us dinner when really my brain wants a moment of peace and QUIET. So, I found myself nearly crying thinking about cooking dinner tonight. And it's not like it was a hard meal. It was all planned. We had all the ingredients. But I couldn't think about chopping, dirtying more dishes after I'd just cleaned the morning dishes. Ugh.
And yet there, in the back of my head, was this nagging thought that if I gave up I'd be a quitter to Katie, as opposed to a hero. Now there's a horrible choice: quitter or hero. Of course I'd choose hero any day. But I knew I couldn't. And since I didn't want to feel like a total loser, I had to call the beloved M to, get this, get PERMISSION not to cook dinner. Crazy, I know. But it helped. Big time.
So I wasn't the hero tonight, and I think from now on I'll plan on not being a hero on Tuesday nights. Which is hard for me. I'm really working on trying to find more balance in these tricky dichotomies, so it's not be a hero or a quitter/loser but rather be a hero or not, but still be great, at peace, and content with my life. This is hard. Very hard for me. And I need all the help I can get. And all the reminders I can get.
So feel free to give me a nudge back to earth any time....
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4 comments:
I think this is all about taking care of yourself too...nurturing YOU! When you can give yourself permission to not be the hero, you are taking care of yourself.
Think about it this way: In order to be the hero and make things work, you need to delegate and make decisions that will ultimately make the whole run more smoothly. When I have a tough day, taking that dinner shortcut reduces my stress, which in turn makes the rest of the night more enjoyable (bearable) for all. Besides, pizza night on tuesdays (or whatever other shortcut you use) may make it more fun, or could turn out to be a memorable family tradition...
I hope this helps!
jessica
I'm in favor of the standing no-heroism on Tuesdays plan. It's quite probably the only actual way to make room for heroism, too, I suspect...
Trader Joes has an AWESOME frozen food section. they have a chicken chow mein that is rife with veggies and takes literally five minutes to make. Trader Joes premade frozen meals are my secret weapon on my really stretched days.
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